tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post4076088942919622163..comments2011-09-16T17:57:56.238-07:00Comments on Heart Head Gut: Breaking up is hard to doNoah Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09290860683062564208noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-47419700757052722692011-08-04T09:40:43.772-07:002011-08-04T09:40:43.772-07:00Thank you for your comment Jessica. Yes, heartache...Thank you for your comment Jessica. Yes, heartache is incredibly hard. It sounds like you are handling yours very courageously. I agree that disruptions can open us up, but they don't always work this way. I am not sure what the variable is that causes some disruptions in some people to be split open to love and other disruptions to simply knock people down. Some of it must be the attitude the person sees the disruption with. Again, your attitude sees very open and brave. I would like to read your blog. What is the address?<br /><br />-NoahNoah Brucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09290860683062564208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-25445020555863092042011-08-03T12:52:26.497-07:002011-08-03T12:52:26.497-07:00I found your article on tiny buddha. Scrolled down...I found your article on tiny buddha. Scrolled down and saw this post of yours. I am 9 months into my marriage breakup. It has been the most significant event in my life so far. Agony and ecstasy. I have found blogging about it to be therapeutic and also a bit scary! The feeling of grief has been an amazing catalyst to examine my whole internal world with love, compassion, sometimes judgement and new eyes. The love and compassion part I found out were missing after I realized how much I had been living my life abandoning myself in my marriage. The only way I have survived it is to constantly love the grief. A tall order when you can't even muster up energy to do the stack of dishes or laundry. I would not have believed anyone if they told me how hard heartbreak can be. I highly recommend getting split open now however, and have come to the humble conclusion that any disruption we have in our lives is to get us into our loving. Sometimes it takes big personal disasters to get our attention. Wishing you speed through your challenge. Especially nice that you have support. Glad I found your blog!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00791803184046991808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-91945559276581750262011-06-16T09:59:12.373-07:002011-06-16T09:59:12.373-07:00Pippi,
I know just what you mean about the real p...Pippi,<br /><br />I know just what you mean about the real physical connection between bodies. It feels primal. <br /><br />I'm glad you got your thirst quenched a bit. That must have felt good. It also must have required some will power on someone's part not to go further.<br /><br />Now that your heart is open to him again (did it ever really close?) you are more vulnerable (obviously). Seems like the danger is 1. getting hurt 2. feeling unclear where you stand in the relationship. <br /><br />On the plus side, you are not numbing out, and getting your thirst quenched. I am curious to see where your wide open heart friendship goes. <br /><br />Remember to be kind to your heart, Pippi (pseudonym)Noah Brucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09290860683062564208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-27220725065104641192011-06-15T21:43:29.487-07:002011-06-15T21:43:29.487-07:00Hey Noah,
How about this one: my body misses his ...Hey Noah,<br /><br />How about this one: my body misses his body. There is a real physical connection that doesn't go away just because we declare the nature of the relationship has changed. Maybe it fades over time? I think it can fade over time. It's closest to the emptiness you talk about, and my coping mechanism has been to numb-up. I hadn't understood that one before, but a recent experience brought that dynamic into focus for me.<br /><br />Last week I patched things up to 'cuddly friendship' with my ex-fellah, and good *lord* it was like quenching a thirst, spooning with that man. Now, whoops, my heart has opened right back up to him. I am experimenting with being his friend with my heart wide open, so I wish me luck.<br /><br />Pippi (pseudonym)Pippihttp://bloomingartist.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-60774391796517223052011-06-09T22:38:32.423-07:002011-06-09T22:38:32.423-07:00Uggghhhhhh...Yes...painful and alive. Better than ...Uggghhhhhh...Yes...painful and alive. Better than dead and numb I think, well most of the time I think this. <br /><br />And yes she is something terrible to lose (k, if you are reading this, that is a compliment).<br /><br />Thanks anonymous for your comment and for saying I'm brave. You rock on too with your bad self.Noah Brucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09290860683062564208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-20241130757057277142011-06-08T19:09:32.117-07:002011-06-08T19:09:32.117-07:00When you are in pain because you have lost somethi...When you are in pain because you have lost something that is terrible to lose, you are doing a good job of being alive. Also, I agree with the other anonymous post, it is brave to share this kind of pain. Rock on, dude.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-91639076967363897132011-06-06T16:21:58.659-07:002011-06-06T16:21:58.659-07:00Thank you anonymous. You are right on with your co...Thank you anonymous. You are right on with your comments: Regarding the reorganization, I realize how much of an anchor the relationship was and how rudderless I feel. It is hard to trust that everything will shake out in the end, to trust the process. <br /><br />Regarding the gratitude part, I sometimes find myself getting stuck in wishing I had been more open, more present, enjoyed her more when we were together. A feeling like I left some of the meal uneaten.<br /><br />But this leads to your next points: I tried. Actually we both tried. Hard. And, yes there were good reasons that I wasn't more open or present - we had real problems. And yes, love her as I do, and I write this with a smile, there are some things about her that suck. It is helpful to remember that.Noah Brucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09290860683062564208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981395802393794131.post-44209713330286064992011-06-06T14:11:36.313-07:002011-06-06T14:11:36.313-07:00This is a very courageous post. You are feeling qu...This is a very courageous post. You are feeling quite raw and vulnerable, obviously, and it takes guts and heart to reveal what you are going through. Like you say, breaking up IS hard. Your whole inner life and sense of self is reorganizing.I think it is helpful to be grateful for the opportunity you had to share in the other's life as closely as you did for however long you were permitted. I think it is also helpful to realize that the relationship didn't work. Whatever the reasons were, they were real and undeniable, and probably would have continued to cause pain and difficulty had the relationship continued. Since you mention having a therapist, I presume you worked a lot on this relationship personally and in therapy. You tried. It still didn't work. I also think that in breakups we tend to remember more saliently what was positive about the other person. It helps to consciously and strongly remind yourself what sucked about her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com